nothing's the same anymore

never do i understand.

how can a person love two at the same time.

not even after jacob told bella that he has seen it.

with sam and emily and leah. 

and never do i understand 

why i am so innocently foolish

not even after you left me behind before

i guess that's just our story.

maybe.

im your jacob

im the one with all the laughs and funs

the one you wanted around all the time

the one who's one of your favorites

the one who's warm

we can't explain it. it just can't be explained.

im your jacob

but she's the one.

the edward

the one with the reason for you to wake up

the one who's with you every night till you sleep

the one whom you look forward to see in school

the one who's the one

the one which's even harder to explain.

but come to think of it. sam never did explain anything to leah.

but emily is the one.

leah's heartbroken.

but sam's nowhere better.

standing in other's position to rethink the situation

is my one and only speciality.

but never did i know that it'd become my weakness as well.

never been able to hate you

is the only thing that i've been angry with myself.

i wanted to make you suffer

i wanted to make you go crazy

i wanted you to be as heartbroken as i was

but i can't.

cause you're just being honest.

and that's one of the things that i love most about you.

sam did nothing wrong. 

needless to say you.

bella did nothing wrong either.

she asked jacob never to ask. 

because it'll always be him.

jacob never asks. he just sticks around bella. 

and was there every time she needs him.

leah never asks. cause she knows sam better than anyone.

and she knows nothing's the same anymore.

i guess. i can never be jacob. 

hehe.

i don't have the generosity.

im leah.

i want him to have what's best for him.

i just don't want to stick around to watch.

--Leah Clearwater. 

Breaking Dawn chapter 16 p.316

so..i take it you never actually read that book.

dear sam,

im your leah, im not leaving don't worry

 i'll always be in your pack.

but sweetheart, nothing's the same anymore.

hare in the hat

living as a teenager face tons of problems

peeps issues, emotional problems, 

family relations, future worries, etc etc. 

but today i face the one i have never faced in my past teens years. 

the helpless-est one i have found so far.

a problem which is born not because of your choice.

but because of others.

the world's a funny one. even if you did a mistake, as long as you play the pity card, there's someone else paying the price for you. for as long as i can remember, i have never interfered in a messy situation like this, but have seen a lot others playing the game.

'you'll know if you have gone down my path'. 

it's a quote i learnt from a classmate. but i wanna ask--

how do you know if i don get you.

there's some scar i don really wanna show.

some are still bleading, im just pretending i don know.

there's some pains i don really wanna recall.

some are nightmares, im just pretending i never fall.

there's some relations i don really wanna talk about.

some are still hurting, i am just pretending i've lived on without doubt.

it's not easy. when you're falling and you never doubt. 

believing and faith is the most important ingredients in a relationship. i once said.

but what if the person you're doubting all along. is yourself.

you doubt yourself not being good enough to be treasured. 

mom said it's because all the guys involved are jerks coincidently.

you doubt yourself not being cute enough to be treated good.

dad said it's because all the guys involved are blind coincidently.

you doubt yourself not being perfect enough to have a happy ending.

and the most agonising part. you doubt yourself not because of your own choices. but because of others.

a pity card is like a magic wand. it's the thing that twisted the game around.

but what you never knew is the hare in the hat crying at night because she's hurting like hell.

she's the one doing the smiles and tadaah! and all you have to do is to wave the wand.

she didn't have the choice. because she didn't know how to have one.

and all she can hope, is that one audience tomorrow might weep a tear for her

whilst others cheering for the magician's magnificent act.

someday, the hare might just hop outta the hat and into the crowd's surprise.

but tonight, just let her weep until sunrise.

a tower on the moon

you were never here;

so it's gonna be senseless if I said you were gone.

but if you finally discovered one day that 

the one who suits you is more important than the one you blindly love

and decided to come back to me,

please pray that I hadn't learnt the same homework.

you're my prince. 

who fell dead from the tower.

because you didn't hold my braids tight.

helplessly helpless

it wasn't suppose to be like this.

my malay teacher (teacher BL) is hospitalized last sat. he had a sudden stroke while they were having a meeting. his condition has gotten worse as the time passed. his heart's weakening every second and his blood pressure wasn't stable.

i never really know what's a stroke. before, i always thought that a stroke's just like fainting, or having a cramp and it's only minor. but his condition sounded so dangerous that i realized that it might be much more serious that i thought to be. gosh how foolish i am. somehow they said that teacher was at the life-line and he might go anytime. friends calling each other with breaking voice asking what to do what to do and i just couldn't bear to answer another i don know too.

Teacher BL has been my malay teacher for two years. we rarely see eye to eye on handling class matters and we exchange banter a lot. but he really cares about us.

news about teacher BL was all over facebook. it breaks my heart just to see his profile wall. so me and bestie decided to pay a visit. mom said a visit might be unnecessary because he's still unconscious and probably wont even know we were there. but i had this really strong feeling that we have to go, or else it would be our last chance.


we went on monday. mom was quite anxious about me going to the hospital for the first time on my own and even tried to pursue dad to go with me. and i was like: mom! im gonna be 18 in..less than 24 hours okey.
eric drove me. if you read my blog--which is pretty hard to happen, and if you read english--which is impossible! haha. thank you =D sincerely.
when we reached, bestie's already there with red eyes. i went in with mega and eric. eric had been there the day before actually. i went in and there were lines of hospital beds and patients looking at us as we entered the room. they all looked so weary and tired as if they were waiting for something to happen. it was..quite sad. i had never been to the general hospital so i never expected to see this.

when we reached my teacher's bed, i couldn't recognize him at the first minute. never had i seen him so helpless with his family's around him. mega started weeping at once and i patted her on the back. i wanted to call out to him on impulse but somehow i couldn't get those words out of my throat. as if it was doing no help.

we didn't stay long in the room. as soon as we're out of the room, me and bestie prayed. we talked about teacher BL's situation out at the corridor with other teachers. we told each other to stay strong. the bond between were never stronger.

just before noon, we received notices that the helicopter's here to send teacher over to kuching for further medical treatment. the boys helped carry him up the ambulance. then we walked over to the helicopter to see him away. as soon as the helicopter rose into the sky, our hopes rose together.

praying in the heart, please stay strong teacher. it's not gonna be the same without you around. never had i felt so helplessly helpless in front of death himself.

xoxo. amen.

gone before christmas.

it was a blessed month--December. a month filled with happiness, laughters, love, blessing, presents, caring..im trying to think of all the good and happy words. as this is the time that we sinners once again find the purpose to live again. because our heavenly Father loves us so much that he sent his only son Jesus to Earth to die for us. and that made December 25th Jesus's birthday--Christmas. and ever since, we humans live without fear or confusion.

at this very joyful month, everyone, especially children should be doing their christmas shopping, taking photos with reindeers and their beloved santa claus, going on holiday, snowman building or writing birthday cards to Jesus. they should have all the time in the world to enjoy themselves. i know i did. but today, not all are lucky.

Last friday, December 14th, 26 victims--most of them children, were shot dead by a alleged shooter--Adam Lanza. The motives behind were unknown, but this is what we know, the hard and cold truth, that 20 over children were dead. suddenly. and before christmas. i don know what to say, or why am i even writing this. but i had this really heavy stone weighing in my heart and i don know who to tell.

i love children, i've always have. Jesus loves them best too. In Matthew 19:14, Jesus said: Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. In Mark 10:15, Truly i tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter. Those are God's word.

im not here to judge today. im not to say that Adam Lanza's evil and he deserves to die. im just really really sorry. for those kids. for their families. for their loved ones. it's Christmas for crying out loud. and all of the sudden, the joyful celebration becomes a sorrow event, with mourning, coffins, crying and dead little bodies, curling or laying straight. going colder and colder. and there's nothing we can do to help.

some of them might not even had the chance to blow their tenth candle, to learn how to ride a bike, to do their very first christmas presents wrapping. and they will never had the chance again..to kiss their mummy goodnight, to tell their dad they love him. and the saddest part: what if they never get to know God before.

it breaks my heart...just to think about it.

some of the kids involved in the tragedy.
sweet. pure. innocent. who would have thought the next minutes, these little angels would have left us..forever.



there're alleged heroes out there. maybe a principal who protect her/his students. maybe a teacher who hid the students in the lockers. we don know. but thank you. from the bottom of the heart.


and so, you out there. maybe you're now roasting a turkey for christmas dinner. maybe you're now wrapping your christmas presents or writing a postcard or christmas card, maybe you're now sitting by a fireplace singing christmas carols to your children, maybe you're celebrating christmas out late with alcohol and dancing. and so happen to run into this. drop that for a moment. clear your mind for a moment. lay your knees on the floor with crossed fingers in front of your chest.

..and pray.


for everything. thank Lord that you and your loved ones are safe and sound. thank Lord for the incoming wonderful Christmas meal. thank Lord for those who've survived the ordeal.
pray for those sorrowful families who've just lost their baby girl. pray for those with broken hearts and had no idea how to move on. pray for those who had given up love.


because this's exactly what Christmas's all about. to thank. to pray.


and this very moment, BigBang's concert doesn't matter, Micheal Palmer's affair seems pointless, Iphone6's releasing date's a total crap.




xoxo. with a broken heart.

A farewell without a farewell

I don't have much besties in class. cause most of them were still new to me. unlike those crazies next door who had been my classmates for three fruitful junior years. but now we are apart and there's not many who actually still stay in touch with me. not that i am complaining or anything. i understand the circumstances that no one is to stay in your circle of life forever so treasure those who actually are working hard on it. and it was really hard for me at first cause i gotta know and meet new friends moreover i gotta merge into their world. that's kinda a ordeal for me.

as a result i really treasure those who happen to share the same language as i do in class. tata is one. i met her a few months ago. we shared the same desk. i think putting me and tata together was the best thing my form teacher has ever done. tata is deliriously funny and sweet and warm. i think she was one of those who actually are loved by all and sundry. she's a pro swimmer who goes training every morning at 6 and goes again at 4 in the evening. what human being does that! i used to admire her cause she seemed so perfect to me. of which i mean a promising swimming career, lots of friends(and i do mean a lot!), a loving family, and what's more important, endless food during recess! her mom, whom i have no idea what she's thinking, practically prepares a picnic basket for tata to bring to school everyday. i can't imagine another mother who would give her daughter that much food to bring to school. take my mom as an example, she's always talking about how fat i am and how in the end of the world that i should begin my diet. ish.

anyway tata became one of my besties in class. one that could share gossips and planks and experiences with no worry that she would go telling people around or that she would look down on me. she's a lively girl who never worry too much about does her hair looks right or is anyone going to laugh at her silliness when she gobbled a banana during business study lesson(well i laughed). haha. we gave the same comment during class council; we secretly share our lunch box together during boring lessons; we talked about everything in the world; we really got along so well.

noticed how i use past tense all the time? well here's when the story really starts.

i know she swims really well since the day i got knowledge of her. she was always participating compe in the name of our school, winning gold metals and breaking records. i know she truly loves swimming as if it's a part of her body and i know she's going to shine like wat someday. but i never know it would be this soon.

she had been telling me about she's going to be participating in this whatsoever sumba compe and the compe is going to take up 17 days. i was really happy for her cause from i hear it seemed like a really big compe. and i was totally proud of her. but i was worried at the same time. how's she going to catch up with the studies especially we're going to have a big exam at the end of july. but she said she will work harder when she comes back. she even got all those history star questions from me, saying that she would study whilst she competes there. all of this telling me one thing: that she's coming back soon. thus i never questioned her departure.

today's the first day of her absence, i placed my bag on her seat. i don like the seat beside me empty. but luckily sim3 changed seat and sat beside me. we don actually have a lot to talk about but i just like company, no matter they are quiet or noisy. until kevin turned from the front and asked me: hey do you know that tata is never coming back. and i was like: oh can you keep up a bit? she's going to a compe!and she's coming back soon. just as my words fell dead, all the faces in front turned back and looked at me in funny expressions. and i was like: what's going on? oh come on everyone, stop playing those face tricks. i certainly am not falling for that.

but until everyone's giving me that face, i know things are serious. sim3 told me everything. how tata hid from us about the news and how she spread it out by posting on the wall in our facebook class group after school. that actually she's going to this whatsoever sports school and learning while training there, how she said that she don wanna to leave us and how she don wanna those crying scenes and so she hid from us at school.

i was virtually shocked and stunned. that silly little girl. how can she do that? i mean i totally understand how she doesn't want us to be sad and crying and so for. as the matter of fact, i think i would do the exactly same thing. but come on, not even a goodbye. thoughts and images flashed through my little brain. i couldn't think clearly, i couldn't calm myself down and before i realize, tears burst out. sim3 beside seemed to have predicted this and he patted my back to comfort me. as i tried my best to stop those little drops rushing down my cheeks, i kept asking my classmates around me to ensure that the news is true. all those nodding kept pulling me down. i can't believe this. tata's gone. all of the sudden. i have never felt so lonely for a very long time.

dear tata, i don know if you're ever going to see this, but thank you and farewell with a heavy heart. not going to say more, but i know you'll understand. and. erm. i miss you already. xoxo, me.

A Heavy Heart.

看了一本小说。Jodi Picoult写的小说。
Jodi Picoult是个我很喜欢的作家 :)


我看到她的第一个作品是My Sister's Keeper。
2009年曾经被拍成电影过。
演员是Cameron Diaz和另外一个我喜欢的演员Abigail Breslin。


去年年尾到槟城去的时候，到了当地著名的bookfair。
不小心扫过Jodi Picoult的名字。很大个，很显眼。
就买下了这本。我的新爱Handle With Care。
一翻开我就不再愿意再放下。500多面啊，我可是非常努力的在看哇。

是本很可怜的书。就跟My sister's keeper一样。

不过My Sister's Keeper是亲生女儿把妈妈告上法庭。

Handle With Care却是一个妈妈Charlotte为了女儿Willow把自己的好朋友医生Piper告上法庭。

其实，很复杂。那些几深奥下的法律专业英文用词，

坦白说，我没有一个字是看得懂的。

这样的我，怎么去当律师哇？

不过，真的很好看，打了几场官司。女儿的妈妈赢了，却失去了至深的好朋友。

Willow O'Keefe had seven broken bones before she took her first breath.

Now her life is lived on a knife-edge. Born with brittle bone disease, she will never learn to skate like her sister. Even walking can be dangerous. One wrong step and she is back in a cast.

The medical bills are crippling her family. So when a lawyer tells Charlotte, her mother, that they might have a case to sue for wrongful birth, she feels bound to consider it.

Except that winning would mean losing her best friend.

And telling the world that she wishes her much-longed for, adored daughter had never been born...

不过其实，噼里啪啦说一大堆，也都是因为爱。只是多了世界的残酷现实。

但是我努力的看到最后，可爱坚强的Willow O'Keefe却去世。

而且不是因为她的病情。

却是因为跌进结冰的池塘溺死；池塘破裂了。

书的最后一句带出了这样的意思。

Willow说： 终究我还是死了，但是我很骄傲，因为这次，碎的不是我的骨头，而是冰块。

她死的时候只有6岁。

读后感：我在今早1230分看完这本书，心情好重好重。再也睡不着。好难过。

♥

 

今晚没有星星，

很适合思念 (;

你是我的伊人

推著前面的購物車，媽媽在丟東西進來。都是吃的。
突然，熟悉的紅色包裝被媽媽丟了進來。

KitKat。我心涼了一半。


坐在車裡， 媽媽在旁邊念丫念丫的，我微笑得聽著。
突然，熟悉的場景跑進了自己的視線裡。

是華利。我心振了一下。


望著FB旁邊在線欄，呆呆得看著綠燈中唯一的空格。
突然，亮了起來，我等我的留言被回复。

又下了。我心瞬間死了。


籃球聲蹦蹦響著，我沒辦法控制得走上熟悉的樓梯。
等著你轉頭，想你像以前那樣得走向我。

你沒有。我心已明白了。


坐著你的對面，你那雙小小的眼睛連眨都沒眨一下。
我把手放在膝上。快說話啊你，我心想。

你沉默。我心早就懂了。


我蹲在路邊，專心著看著那小籬笆，看到了你回來。
我背對著你，不希望看到那冷冷的目光。

你走了。我心終於灰了。



宋承憲曾經問金泰熙：到底是為什麼在這麼大的皇宮裡，走到哪都有你？
金泰熙說：大概是因為住在一起，又連心情都一樣的緣故吧？

我想。我們大概是因為心情不一樣，所以不管一方多麼努力，都不會相遇。

。骑士。

骑士是什么？

英文叫做knight，

是欧洲中世纪的时候受过正式军事训练的士兵，

后来演变成一种荣誉的称号。

在童话故事里，骑士扮演的是一位保护国王的人。

但是不懂为什么一定会爱上公主，

努力得保护公主，努力得爱公主。

然后再眼睁睁得看着公主嫁给了王子。

然后自己难过。

我想，每个女生旁边都会有个骑士。

想想，那个总是在你旁边保护你，

小心的呵护你，偶尔还会念念你，

你受到什么委屈，听你诉苦，

你遇到什么挫折难题，陪你一起解决，

你走在路上，总是会从后面跑上来跟你一起走，

有时候会送给你小礼物做惊喜，

常常发信息给你，常常打电话给你，

那个就是骑士。

是个你很在乎，在重视，很珍惜的骑士，

却从来也没想过，

或许，有天，

骑士，也有可能变成王子。


公主和骑士不管多么的喜欢对方，
多么的重视对方，
到头来都不可能在一起。
其实我也不知道为什么，
但是身边有太多例子，
证明了：公主和骑士不可能在一起。
顺利交往的都是公主和王子。
一开始完全不了解对方，
就是这样蒙蒙擦擦的在一起。
然后才开始慢慢的了解。
并没有像公主和骑士那样细水长流，
而是直接来个轰轰烈烈的。


公主：骑士是个好男人，我一定要排除身边全部的困难后跟骑士永远在一起。
骑士：我现在必须跟公主在一起，只有公主在我身边了，我才能安心保护她。


就是这样咯。
就这样了咯。
没有错。就是这样咯。
就是这样；
爱情观不一样了；就分开了。


或许，一开始会难过。
或许，一开始会挽留。
或许，一开始会留念。
但是，慢慢的，大家都得学会习惯。
因为这就是人生。

世界眞的很小，好像一轉身，就不知道會遇見誰；

世界眞的很大，好像一轉身，就不知道誰​會消失。

这就是人生，有些东西其实不用硬硬拗。

我的骑士，你离开了，

曾经何时，我也有想过要勇敢的陪你打仗。

但是你还是离开了。

原本童话故事里这个时候公主一定要痛痛快快的哭上一场。

但是，

你也知道，我天生就是要做最特别的那个。

在你心里，在这个世界，

我就是要做最特别，最不一样的那个。

所以我这次决定开开心心的微笑，送你走。

:)

因为。公主终究还是要长大。

尽管，

听到周杰伦的歌曲，还是会很想想你。

看到你忙碌的背影，还是会想叫住你。

在商店看到白手表，还是会像看到你。

早上四点起来读书，还是会想信息你。

但是，

我们眼神对到时候，我会努力得避开。

看到辩论队的时候，我会默默得加油。

你庆祝你的成功时，我自己也加把劲。

你努力过你的生活，我也努力的进步。

这份幸福我本来就不应该拥有。

在初遇的辩论会上就已经注定。

在你已经有了她时就已经注定。

这份幸福，我借得太久，借得太自私。

是时候放手，因为根本就不属于我。

离开吧，我的骑士。

尽管我还是很在意，但是是时候为了你自己想想了。

开心得离开呗。

:)

我 ♥的骑士

♥

。最懂我的是你；最不懂我的也是你。

在还没有看到我的实力之前，你就说相信我，这是人生中最美的感动。

那天老师跟我说了一样的话；说相信我。
第一个闪过头脑的不是别人；就是你。

因为你也对我说过了一样的话d。
我举起手指算了算，已经这么多天没有联络了啊。

渐渐的，大家都开始问起你。
我应该要用什么话回答？
真是受够了有些人那明知故问的脸蛋，
可是心里最清楚是自己心虚。
曾几何时，我需要用那些烂理由掩饰着我们？

这世上，我想没有人再比你更懂我。
我的嘴硬、死爱面子的个性你看在眼里；
我的优点、还没发挥的实力你记在心里；
我的害怕、发达的白痴泪腺你笑在嘴里；
可是你从来没有跟我提起，
即使我们从头到尾都知道。

直到你有一天你从来要离开了，
我才终于发觉到；你是最懂我的人。
是自己一直不要接受的事实。
我告诉你我不会放弃，我就不会放弃。
我想有了要保护的东西，别的都不重要了。

我努力的想回去，却被你的冷淡冻得好痛。
望着你和她的背影，
我想，是时候接受了。
但是我不甘心；
好不容易有了想要保护的东西，凭什么就酱要我放弃。
很想问；
你，那时也是这么痛的吗？

我想，我不会放弃；
但是原谅我不能那么积极了。
像赤裸裸得泡在冰块浴一样，
我不想习惯你的冷漠。
而且再不努力点过生活，
我怕即使等到了终点，恐怕我也追不上你。
:)

<等你这漫长的路，我不怕。怕的是，即使等到了终点，你却不在那里。>

。努力VS结果。

从下面传下来了数学评测簿，我真的很紧张。
虽然有尽力了，但是很常结果会出乎预料嘛。
结果我的分数还不错，洋洋得意了。
哈哈。虚荣心爬满了全身。

前面传下来了同学的簿子，要我帮忙传去后面。
总是会偷偷看下，发现原来是她的。
她的数学虽然算不上差，但是一直以来分数不算很好看。
我拿给她的时候，给她了一个加油的微笑。
她给我了一个很勉强的笑容；我看得出她的紧张。
她翻开了簿子。

她的表情没有变，只是瞳孔开始变得很大。
她轻叹了下，显然是被吓到了。
我关心得问：怎么样？
她的表情开始有个轻微的变化。
她说：艺绫，我及格了。
我打从心底得为她开心，真的，很开心。
她开始笑了，笑得很开心。
脸开始越来越红，表情很扭曲了起来。

她哭了。

大家都吓到了。她真的哭了。
最可爱的还是她哭得很开心。
我跟他们一起笑了。
还不停得说她傻瓜。
突然间，我看到那个笑容后面的辛酸。
她数学底子不好，初中从来数学没有及格过。
她很努力得想要进步，但是及格的名单里永远没有她。
她周围的朋友数学都不错，
她必须忍受着理科姐姐和周围朋友和自己的压力。
但是她并没有放弃；她努力了4年。
4年，那是多么长的时间。
她却能够坚持这么久，那是件多么不容易的事。
我相信她现在的开心是旁人怎么也感受不了的。

那些男生竟然还说：人家50就哭了，那我们不是哭死了。
哼。男生都是这么无知。
4年丫，那是件多么不容易的事情。
突然间发现，
自己再这么高的分数也永远比不上她那50分；
也为了刚刚的洋洋得意羞愧。

看着她拼命想尽办法擦干那止不住的眼泪，
我突然觉得自己有多么的渺小。
动不动就说放弃；很容易就伤害了周围的人。
因为自己的害怕，因为自己的不安，
就轻易得说放弃。真是逊毙了。
拼了命为自己找借口，
却完全没有体会到周围为了你在坚持的人。

哟你!! 这次我是真的知道错了。今天我们能够讲到话我是真的开心。希望以后还能像今天这样。口袋里的信我始终没有勇气拿给你。但是我相信我们比谁都还要珍惜这份友谊。我会比拿50分的她更加努力坚持的。我会继续加油的。告诉他们其实不是全部人的结局都是那样的:>加油吧。

。一切是那么地脆弱。

从没有想过我们两个之间会落在如此的田地。
以前就不希望变成第二个他和她；跟你约定过。
呵呵，还是步上了后尘，一切是那么的脆弱。
你从来没有对我发过脾气，即使我们都知道是我错了，
你一再再而三的忍，坚持说是我对。
这是你第一次这么大声吼我，我却不知道应该怎么应。
**
曾经说过离开最舍不得的是你和她。
现在回头看，
那一张张的纸条，那么多的笑脸，那一张水墨画，
那一本红簿子，那一首首的钢琴曲，
那一只丑八怪Batman，那一次的KL恶作剧，
两个羽球拍的合照，那条篮球场的汗味毛巾，
那一条的巧克力冰淇淋，初遇的辩论赛，
那部《不能说的秘密》，那一条条的KitKat，
那一次的PizzaHut晚餐，还在我家的那本书刊，
那个白色的手表，那年的擦窗值日，
那次的数学学会活动，那一次的口香糖，
呵呵，多么多次的那次，
现在看起来却是那么的讽刺。
曾经以为会是一辈子的感情，
曾经以为会是一辈子的友谊，
曾经以为；到最后才发现都只是无谓的以为。
**
你等着我回答，我却只能说我明白了。
离开，必须放下或坚持，我不知道。
初到，必须融入或被动，我不知道。
交谈，应该真心或保留，我不知道。
举动，应该自然或维持，我不知道。
曾经多么坚持离开的身影，
如今却残留着无助的神魂。
才发现；一切是那么的脆弱。


曾经认为多么坚强的感情；
如今因为几粒标点符号和文字的字数结束了。

<Dear teddybear, thanks for being there when no one was.>

。精灵，森林。

她离开了原本她属于的森林。

精灵们对她很好，

真的很好。

就像家人一样，只有在他们之中她才是自己。

她知道他们对自己是真心的。

她是快乐的。

但是就是有个问题。

她所居住的大树永远都不为她茂盛起来。

她抚摸着自己树上少得可怜的树叶；

再看着别的精灵茂盛的大树。

她自卑。

她总是学不好每个精灵会的魔法，也不会灵活使用。

尽管别的精灵不在意，仍然对她像以前那样。

但是她在意。

在他们之中，她连自己的影子都看不见。

她离开了。

尽管多么的不舍得。

她来到了新的森林；她以为她可以更开心。

对，树叶茂盛了起来。

对，魔法开始有起步。

她在这里似乎太抬得头了。

但是精灵们的脸蛋似乎不是她所想象的。

尽管自己的家园变得如此漂亮。

尽管自己对魔法开始有了信心。

但是缺乏了味道。

是家的味道。

她害怕了，再也没办法面对新的精灵们。

一天也没办法。

她看着他们的脸蛋；心里深处明白有东西不对劲。

她永远都融入不了他们。

她想回去。

可是不行。

味道不一样了。

。就这样了吗？。

走在有些砖块味道的路上，我踢着小石头，书包比平时的还重。
是书太重吗？还是心太重？
我沉重的眼皮不想睁得太大，不是疲倦；
只是没有理由再精神了。

突然闻到了你的味道和你脚步急促的声音，我认得；那是你。
我正经了起来，脚步开始比刚刚的精神了很多；
把背弄得很挺，把脸弄得变臭臭的；
似乎脸臭臭给人感觉比较不在乎你的存在。
我把视线停留在正中间的一点，正经一点，准备好了没？
等下，头发别开一点，好，准备好了。

慢慢你从转弯点出现了，我没把视线从正中间的点离开。
不过还好我有练过，刚刚有把头发别开了，虽然没正视你；
但在余光中仍然能够看得到你的表情。
你看到我了；我知道。
我仍然走的很快，不想让你知道我在乎。
你仍然走的很快，似乎有忙不完的事情。
在擦肩而过的那一刹那，谁都没有缓慢下来。
我算过了，我们在那一时刻之间的距离最短；
就差那9 . 5 cm，很厉害吗？
其实我们擦肩而过了无数次，我才分析过来的。

我们的距离又被拉开了，我们的速度都没慢下来。
直到你在路尾的转弯消失时，我的脚又沉重了。
你来的快；去的也快，就像灰姑娘 一样。
我的心情随着你的脚步也渐渐的失落；
我的心，你太不争气了。
我把脚步停了下来，空气中还藏留着你的气息。
我慢慢把头向你离去的45度方向；你不在了。
其实我早就知道，只是心存不甘心和无谓的希望罢了。

我害怕；在过几次的擦肩而过，会不会我们就会习惯了这样的气氛？
我害怕；在过几次的擦肩而过，会不会你就要离开我的生活离开了？
我害怕；在过几次的擦肩而过，会不会有天不再只是两人的擦肩了？

我纳闷着怎么我们好像完全没有认识过？我们真的曾经关系好过吗？
为什么现在却变得好像完全没有那回事？似乎那段回忆只是一场梦？
你给的冰冷，我被冻的好痛，几时才要结束？

<The silent between us is much louder than i could ever imagined>