for the last three years, i've never thought that we could actually have this moment.
i read through every novel or book and sighed because i thought that was never us.
but the time seemed to have stopped between the two lunch boxes.
or rather it have moved so fast that it was just like another daily routine.
somehow the three years' time no longer matter. because nobody cares anymore.
no one's still counting.
but i still remember everything.
everything.
starting from the rival onstage. and ending with a stupid red notebook back in summer '11.
yes we had had a lot of things between us but no one's talking about them anymore.
no one's discussing whether who's it to prepare the snacks for history class tomorrow.
no one's arguing whether who's it to text or call the other one tonight after school.
no one's thinking whether who's it to tell the teacher that we wanna sit together.
the promises that we made to each other or rather to ourselves vanished somewhere along the way.
we thought we would certainly be heartbroken for forever after losing each other. but it seemed like a joke to us right now.
looking back, we saw four kids, trying the first taste of love. and ended up having the best memories ever for high school.
to us, they're little kids. little babies. but somehow we still envied them. not for the fact that they had you. but the fact that they had themselves.
but still, the past is the past.
and i don't even think that it's a bad or sad thing anymore.
because we're just too young back in summer '11.
still, it was beautiful.
everything that i can still recalled. was still beautiful. nothing had changed. not even the people.
you're still you. im still me. she's still her. he's still him.
but still, it's not the same anymore. and i can't even explain it.
or perhaps it was just too long ago.
nevertheless, the little chats between the scoops of lunch was the best thing in 2013.
not something to make me jump and blush. but something that make me feel calm and home.
like i finally found my best friend back like he never had left.
though it's not the same anymore. and surprisingly i am not even sad.
and i could still see. the four of us laughing in that same stadium three years ago.
it's been a pretty rough weekend. not only my school's works' overwhelming, but unhappy stuffs happen on and off. please everyone, give me a break! im exhausted.
i've never really had haters all my life. im not a perfect girl, but im not a bad one either. im a girl who's fun and easy-going but can be a real handful sometimes. im a girl who laughs loudly and skipped when im happy but can be a little stubborn about certain issues. im a girl who tries my very best in every fields in my life but get lazy with making beds. im a girl who loves colours and likes to dress my best in my every outing but can also survice with tshirts and shorts. im a girl who's brave to have a change or try something new, but am a little coward when it comes to some rare situations.
overall, im not a perfect one, but im not a bad one.
so it pretty darn exhausting when people came to me and said that: pppst. xxx doesn't like you. or pppssst. xxx said that you're slutty. normally i don care about those criticism because..erm, i like who im and those people mostly don even know me well. most importantly, this is the real me. im happy this way. i like myself this way. this is who i am.
but once in a blue moon, i can feel inferior too sometimes.
for example.
if a person walks by and looked at your blue T and said: hey what a nice pink tshirt.
you would say: omg this poor guy's blind.
if another person walks by and looked at your blue T and said: hey what a nice pink tshirt.
you would say: what's it with everyone today.
if another person walks by and looked at your blue T and said: hey what a nice pink tshirt.
you would say: is the sunlight here the cause.
if another person walks by and looked at your blue T and said: hey what a nice pink tshirt.
i bet you would start doubting your own eyes.
i think mine's the same situation in different costumes. which involves something, or rather someone, uglier than a pink tshirt.
i broke down the other night. bawling my eyes out. my body shaking. my heart beating towards my chest like it's pushing its way out. feeling so helpless and tired. longing for long arms to wrap around me and broad shoulders for me to cry my heart out.
im not scared to say that. im still a girl after all. but im not proud either. im a girl; supposingly a strong one.
with a broken heart, i approached someone who has known me forever. my bestie listened to my story, said nothing and sent me this.
and all of the sudden, the grey clouds seemed to have found their ways out of the horizon.
exactly, there's loads of people out there. simply divide them into two categories--the ones who likes you, and the ones who dislikes you.
the rule is never explain yourself.
because the ones who likes you don't have unnecessary needs like explanations.
and the ones who dislike you, well somehow they will find other excuses to dislike.
there's always another person just like that around the corner, as long as you're doing something right, you're not hurting anybody else, why care. be yourself.
HATERS (noun) 1. people secretly wishing to be you.
but girl, why do you have to be so mean.
and so this morning, i put on my bb cream, put some colours on my cheeks, pick out my brightest smile and headed for school.
someday, just perhaps, im going to shine so bright. so bright that it breaks those with the wicked snickers' masks.
