it was a wish, next to visiting Disney World, waiting to be grant for the longest of time. right before when i saw its first collage fan picture on weheartit then to the office sofa that i sat on crying whilst reading the book until now, even now. i dare to admit that im a hopeless romantic and a helpless realistic myself. it was a disease, one without a cure, and someone like john green is definitely a pain in the ass in this case.
i went alone, of course, thanks mildred damn you. i did try to scroll down the contacts to see if i could get some people to go with me because a. my mother wanted me to cause she thought it's dangerous for me to go alone and that another teenage girl, most likely to be 19 with skinny thighs and arms, would be able to fight if someone, most likely to be over 30 and strong and muscular, tried to abduct me. yea i never get that metaphor aka mom. and b. well there's no b. i love to go alone, and it's not trying to say something sad in a beautiful way. alone doesn't mean lonely and the movie itself, it's definitely not for you to watch with some random not-so-close friends that you whipped up at the last minute just so you have some names to tell your mother when she asked you who are you going with. it's not that kind of movie. it's one that deserves so much more.
but i did bring my blue sweater with me even though im wearing my long-sleeves sweater already cause i figure i need something to hug on at the very end. and quickly bluffing a name that i don't even sure if she's considered my friend to my mom, i grabbed the car keys and went off. and i did try my best not to cry when i drove past mildred's street. damn girl i miss you.
it was weird though, walking into a full room, with couples lounging each other and that moment when i opened the door and a glow of light hit their eyes in the dark room, they turned to see who it is and saw it was just a pity likewise girl alone watching probably the most romantic love story in history, i just about to die. quickly i found a spot near the door and sat down, secretly praying no one is noticing me. as the trailer rolled, i squeeze my blue jacket unto my chest and whispered, 'hold my tears sweetie, just for today'
and it was, as angustus waters would've said, ravishingly beautiful.
and it was, far beyond my expectation, wow i sounded like some sort of movie expert judging bitch now, sorry. but it was really good, and i meant it. the concept was great, actors were great, the music were great and everything mixed together perfectly just like another art born. shyly i looked down as waters and grace kissed at Anne Frank House and clicked on my phone to read new messages."what you're watching" "the faults in our stars" "eww" "what's with the eww" "it's just a love story" heh boys. i smiled and turned my attention back on the screen. cause it's not.
i didn't cry as much as i thought i would, surprisingly. but it was really good. as the credits rolled, i dashed out of the door the first minute avoiding questioning eyes and awkward stares. pushing through the glass door, the sunshine shone on my face, warming my every cells possible of which has been freezing due the air-con and well the movie. i smiled at the sun as a thank you and walked across traffic bridge. as i reached the middle, i looked across the sky and the sun sinking into the horizon and wondered. what is he doing.
could he too be watching the fault in our stars as well. could he too even particularly chose the last day they screened the movie cause he'd like to avoid crowds as well. and wondered, when are we going to meet. and the best answer i've come up with until now was someday. someday, we'll meet. maybe not in amsterdam, maybe in our own amsterdam. and he would smiled even though i made strange and different opinions on things. and he would smiled cause he know only death could part us is not just a saying. and he would smiled even though i stupidly said 'let's just stay friends', grabbed my hand cause he knows he's the one. cause he's that smart.
and maybe, just maybe, we're go visit john green one day.
it was really good. go watch it even though you're alone cause your only friend left you for singapore for further studies and that you're single cause you're still waiting for your angustus waters and he's most probably lost and hit a tree or something. you just have to believe, once again. but, there's a thing though. i hate it when they used 'okay' in the end. cause it's not 'okay'.
it's 'i do, angustus, i do.'
